I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
