its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
