when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize