I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
