Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
