Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
