I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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