I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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