yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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