Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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