Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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