I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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