I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
