wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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