Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
