I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
