Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
