I need help removing her.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
