She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
