I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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