I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In other news, I just burned my penis
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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