Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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