My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
