I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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