He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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