Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
