Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Holy shit dude........stairs
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize