Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
