Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Success! We fucked roommates!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
