Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
