your thong is hanging out like whoa
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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