This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
