I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
