hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
