Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
