So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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