Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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