i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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