Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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