officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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