how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
