He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
