"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
