He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
