I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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