She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Is it because I queefed?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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