I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
