okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
