i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
