Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
