I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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