So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also, beer. Big fan.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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