I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Holy shit dude........stairs
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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