DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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