the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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