i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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