PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
