It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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