Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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