Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
