The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
