I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
