so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
