you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
