stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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